My Meaning, My Depth

I have always had big ambitions for the life that I wanted to achieve. I spent a lot of my mid 20’s feeling like I was owed something in life that I hadn’t yet gotten. This led to me dealing with some negative emotions that resulted in poor copping techniques and eventual panic attacks. It wasn’t until the panic attacks started that I realized I needed to make some changes.

These changes involved some level of goal pursuit but were mainly just laying the foundation to feel healthy and happy throughout and average day. This step did not result directly in any of my big goals being achieved but it did in fact gives me the tools I needed to deal with challenges. The timing worked out as it was not long after that our daughter joined us and that then changed everything.

As we began raising our daughter questions about the future that I wanted for her started to propagate in my mind. Questions about the kind of life I wanted for her and what I wanted to help teach her. The basic answer was I want to help her do what she wants to do with her life. Okay great but how can I help facilitate that? Something that I cannot predict, how could I help her achieve such a thing?

The eventual answer came like a flash of lightning. I need to pave the way and accomplish my own dreams. The lessons that I know I will learn through this pursuit will be as wide reaching as my goals. This also stems from a place of parenting by example. How can I tell my daughter to pursuit her dreams if it is something that I did not do for myself? This feeling only has grown since our son was born.

Suddenly the fear of failure felt insignificant when compared to the idea of letting my daughter down. This propelled me to take action. I began to realize that I had this strong lacking of intense physical activity so I found a Jui Jitsu gym. Something that I wanted to do for years and I finally had the drive to start. I wanted my kids to grow up with a confidence in their bodies that I didn’t have as a kid. I once again could not push them to doing Jui Jitsu if I hadn’t done it myself. Now I love the sport and cannot wait till my kids are old enough to participate.

I have already mentioned my ambition but the simple fact is that I did not want it bad enough for myself to make it happen. But now that I have these little bundles of joy depending on me and learning from me I don’t see how I could want to make my dreams happen any more. The lessons that I am having to learn along the way are these valuable nuggets of knowledge that I can pass down to my kids. I am fortunate in having a wide variety of dreams and goals from becoming an expert in Brazilian Jui Jitsu, making and releasing a board game, writing a book and helping improve my community and the world at large in whatever small way I can.

Finding my meaning in my wife and kids, has given me this drive to accomplish everything that I have ever wanted. In addition I am driven to keep improving myself. I am proud of the Dad I have been so far but am always on the lookout for opportunities to improve and show up a little better each day for my wife and kids. This is a cyclical process for me, I work at a goal chipping away at it starting to see it take shape and quite often hitting a road block. These road blocks tend to send me down a whole new path of learning and education that I never had intended on learning.

It matters not, a meta skill I have developed is how to develop interest in a topic. I refuse to let any limitations stop me. I am going to press forward and conquer ever single road block thrown up in my way until I achieve everything that I have set out to achieve. I have also come to realize that to have a real chance of success you need to develop a set of foundational skills that make accomplishing goals easier. Gaining some level of authority through sustained effort creates an environment where your focus can then turn to knocking out goals.

I would not recommend having kids for this explicit purpose they are a lot of work and you need to have your heart in it and value them above all the other goals and ambition. But I would recommend finding that which gives your life meaning beyond money or fame. Finding my meaning has been life changing and giving each of my pursuits such depth. Money has never been enough of a motivator for me. Now I see how the money could lead to more family time, less worry and more freedom. Get your life into a healthy balance, find that which gives you meaning and dive into your creative pursuits without fear of failure.

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